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Goodbye, Weekly World News; Hello Fox News
by uncle romulus
HADES - Leave it to Fox News to put a political spin
on a story about humans having sex with robots. We can understand a
technological story about having sex with robots or an ethical argument
about having sex with robots, but screw all that (npi). How about a
story pondering which state will be the first to legalize sex between
a human and a robot?
First of all, we didn’t know sex with a robot was illegal, and
we doubt it was one of those “no donkey in the bathtub”
laws that originated in the 1800’s. Maybe, it’s just illegal
if the robot is gay, but then there would probably be a ban on “same-chipset”
marriages. The article goes on to say that leading robot-sex experts
predict we will be able to have sex with robots by the year 2050 making
the highest paying job among that graduating class – Robot Pimp.
If you don’t read or watch fox news, here’s what you’re
missing (all of these articles came from the same day so don’t
accuse us of card-stacking): “Which State
will be the First to Legalize… SEX WITH A ROBOT?” “Ginormous
Dinosaur Discovery,” “Embattled California Dentist Defends
Breast Fondling,” “Boy Scout Survives Bear Attack by Playing
Dead,” “Boy, 12, Run Over and Killed by Horse-Drawn Wagon,”
“Girl Dies in Tragic Homecoming Parade Accident,” “Baby
Tasered During Standoff,” and “Cops
Bust ‘Erotic Live Show’ in Chicago Basement after Seeing
Add on Craigslist.”
If you’ve met your quota for robot sex and tragic deaths, there’s
also a story about an autistic teen who “vanished”
on a wilderness hike. Vanished, eh? How do they know he didn’t
just fall into a wormhole or teleport somewhere? I mean, vanished
is a strong word. And last but not least, “Moose
Use Human Shield to Defend Against Bears.”
It’s very difficult for a parody news site like the DCN to compete
with the ridiculousness of Fox News. We laughed for hours upon hours
after clicking the link to Fox News on the Ku Klux Klan homepage (the
DCN has no affiliation with the KKK nor do we support or sponsor them
– we were just thumbing through their archives for a genealogy
report).
On a more serious note we feel the need to point out that all of the
major news sites and stations report the same garbage. They spin it
their way and the people who take them seriously always try to defend
their choice of news outlet. We just like to pick on Fox news because
they worship the Devil. It is a sad state of affairs when Americans
confuse tabloid journalism with informative journalism, and it is for
this reason that quality outlets like the Weekly World News have gone
under. Help us fight the anti-parody movement by refusing to read the
Paris Hilton stories and robot-sex articles littering the major outlets.
Come to the parody sites for entertainment. Otherwise, we won’t
make enough money to buy a sex robot.
editor@darkcornernews.com
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