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Ahmoud Ahmadinejad Legalizes Gay Marriage

by uncle romulus

NEW YORK - As many of you know, Columbia University recently invited Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmandinejad to speak to some group of rich kids about Allah-knows-what? The format was a lecture by the Iranian President followed by a question and answer segment and proceeded by a “Presidential Roast” performed by Columbia President, Lee Bollinger. While inviting a guest speaker to your University then slamming him for 15 minutes before he speaks might seem a bit rude to most people, we at the DCN happen to know that President Ahmadinejad does not speak English, so the jokes on you Mr Bollinger.

While most Americans and Iranians felt that nothing good could ever come from this event, what was to come took everyone by surprise. In fact, the debacle had been a colossal waste of time well into the question and answer segment. That is until the President was asked about Iran’s treatment of women and sexual preferences.

[via translator]
“In Iran, we don't have homosexuals like in your country. (Laughter.) We don't have that in our country. (Booing.) In Iran, we do not have this phenomenon. I don't know who's told you that we have it. (Laughter.)”

Let’s go back: “In Iran we don’t have homosexuals like in your country. (Laughter) [funny, ha ha]. We don’t have that in our country. (Booing) [not funny, ha ha.] In Iran, we do not have this phenomenon. I don’t know who’s told you we have it. (Laughter) [funny, ha ha, again]. It seems as though this group of students did not do well in Sense of Humor 101. Maybe he should have left out the middle sentence and then everyone would have had a good laugh.

What happened next could not have been predicted by the prophet Muhammad himself. President Ambufujajkad, seemed to reflect upon his statement and must have entertained the possibility of homosexuals existing in Iran. Why not? Maybe Ickjad and Hazel at the Persian Rug Emporium are more than just “good friends/roommates?” Could Iranian women be concealing mullets under their burkas and flannel shirts underneath their hijabs?

While the laughter was dying down, a bolt of ear-piercing feedback screeched out of the P.A. speakers and the President cleared his throat: “Today, a new age has begun in Iran. We are no longer the terror-supporting nation you have accused us of being. We are not a member of this Axis of Evil. We no longer prefer the company of goats to women for evening conversation.” He continued, “In a gesture of good-faith, I will now declare homosexual marriage legal in Iran, and I invite all homosexuals to gather in the basement of the Iranian hidden military and industrial complex for a mass wedding ceremony next Tuesday. (Applause. Standing Ovation).”

Bravo, President Amabigfnloserjad. Bravo, Columbia University. Bravo, Mr Bollinger. Bravo, to you all and your continued efforts to end discrimination against notorious homosexuals.

editor@darkcornernews.com